The spirituality is waned as of the present. No longer where I was in that.
It's odd that the first is the last, in that where I was from the beginning is where I am now. Not with Tao, as that is the first to walk through.
I'm back to unknown, where all along was that. I don't know. I don't believe. I don't trust. Having had a very bizarre occurrence happen to me a few years ago, my trust has been blown out of existence.
Now I know something was there, that's for sure and was real. What, who? How? Never mind how, it's bad enough the presences were there in the first place. For all I know it was aliens, who may have been playing games.
I know this.
After this happened and my life was back on track some, I was looking through a book of pictures, photos of crop circles. On one page was a photo of a crop circle, next to that, was another small one. In that small one was a face. The face was what I saw in my second ex-wife, back when. The "personality" that manifested. Go figure.
Now just who was this? I don't know. Because I saw others as well, whom were not aliens. Angels? Demons? You figure it out. I cannot. I don't know.
What was the motive for all that happened in those 20 months? Starting on the birthday of my last two children from my first marriage. I was told the children were the catalyst. To this day I have not any real meaning behind that. I know what catalyst means and how it's used, still though, no answer. I can answer this. The "alien" presence went away on the day Christopher Reeve passed away.
What was left for me to endure for the remaining months, was hell. From demons probably. Not sure of that cause I don't know. I know they caused me homelessness. I survived it though, intact. Never lost my mind like Father thought I would. He said others have. So this has been done before, maybe. Depends on whether you can believe "Father." I don't believe him. I don't even know if it was a him.
Something took me out of homelessness. I didn't do it myself as my land lord thinks. No way. Anyone knows this who's ever been homeless. Once you are there, you're there. There's no safety net and no way back unless you have lot's of help. I had no one. After a time, what ever it was, picked me up like a robot and took me out of homelessness over the course of time.
You tell me, cause I know with my right mind I didn't do this. Was it those "aliens?" Or the Devil? I can't credit God cause I don't know. I just know I'm here today and have lead myself on a spiritual path trying to find out. This was no test from God, why would God do such a thing. No way again. No loving god/goddess would give hell on earth to a human being. We give ourselves hell and I certainly didn't create an egregore with my mind.
This was outside my person. It was inside my second ex though and she chose to have it there for sexual reasons for what she did. Too bad. This is the Devil's doings somewhat, but not all.
It's a mystery and I may not get an answer like Father told me all that I ever wanted to know would come the day I pass away. I don't believe that "thing" that talked to me. I believe nothing anymore. I'm so close to being an atheist now, it's not funny just because it would give me peace of mind to say none of this ever happened and there is no such thing.
I had a bad experience similar to an alien abduction, but not that at all. I put this out here. I don't care and it doesn't matter anymore. Just glad I stayed sane, and kept this to myself for the last few years.
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"Go with the flow with what you know, otherwise say I don't know."
